I have always been afraid, afraid if I am doing something wrong, hurting others or jeopardizing my so bright future in any way. I feel accountable to comply to the norms, people around me ardently believe in and want me to obey.
It’s the guilt that is always holding me back from joyously doing what I feel is right and others don’t. The highest degree of freedom one can ever attain is freedom from guilt (heard somewhere, I don’t remember where). For this, first you need to be comfortable with yourself and actually that’s all that is needed. Facing the world won’t be that tough if your beliefs are entrenched in your brain.
The mask of optimism and hustling hard won’t last long if that is your basis of living. Hustling hard is surely the key to almost everything but it should be driven by a soul that has faith in itself. Sometimes I feel so fucking familiar with myself when I do not shed pity with the entire fake self love, it’s too unlike anyone I presume. Tediously trying to love yourself and being accepting of all the other people you meet daily, is cool only if you want to mindlessly slither through your days.
Everyday what you face is trash (in the form of people and your own insecurities) and if you don’t filter that trash, it may stack on your chest and choke you from the inside. Start clearing it out soon before it blocks all your working systems. All that you are required to do is respect your decisions and then follow them happily and unapologetically. You will hurt many but then hurting is inevitable (so better have a thoughtful decision making). Conflicts in your brain better be managed by your own conscience first rather than other people’s biases. I know, many people do not have the luxury to have such high self esteem and courage to pursue what they actually feel like (well not everyone can be tony stark), but prioritizing your happiness and saneness over others is prudence.